Day 16: Something or something you could definitely live without

Note to readers: If you live with me, you should probably skip this post. It will make you mad. But it's my opinion, so just keep clicking...



Throughout this challenge, I have mostly not written the negative, painful, personal questions. I answer them in my mind, but choose not to reveal the answer to the world. This one I am choosing to answer. Why? I'm not sure. Maybe I'd like some advice. Maybe I want reassurance that I am doing the right thing. Or maybe I just need to get it off my chest.

I could live without my common-law husband. We don't have an easy relationship, and I'm not always certain that we should have a relationship at all. I left him once in Feb, and went back 2 weeks later. I question almost daily whether I did the right thing going back. I almost left again in Sept, and I'm sure I will continue to debate it daily.

I know that if we didn't have a child, I'd have left him after briefly dating. We would not have lived together, or if we did, I'd have left a long time ago and never looked back. But we do have a son, and that makes everything different. I stay for him, but I question whether it is the right move, or if things would be better if we left.

Maybe a little background info is needed. We dated only briefly before I got pregnant. As in barely a few months. We really didn't know each other very well. I found out I was pregnant while he was gone for a month to visit his family. I told him, and we were both excited. But he was unemployed, collecting EI. He was supposed to be earning money while he was gone, but instead partied all month and spent a lot. When he returned, he started staying with me. Without contributing to any bills. We agreed that he would have a 3 month "free-pass", and then he'd start contributing. During this pass he would need to get a job because his EI would run out.

The time passed, and nothing changed. No job, no contributing. A month before I was due to give birth, my lease ran out, and we moved. I only had a one bedroom apartment, so we need a bigger place. I wanted to get a cheap 2 bedroom apartment, but he convinced me to rent a 3 bedroom townhouse on the condition that he paid the rent.

Our son was born, and I went on maternity leave. He still didn't work, and with my reduced income, I couldn't pay all the bills. I ended up paying our rent on credit because I didn't want my credit to be ruined for nonpayment. He didn't care because his credit was already garbage.

Fastforward to Feb when the situation was still the same. Only difference being I was now $10,000 in debt from paying rent and completely fed up with his refusal to work or help out with anything. I packed up me and my son, and we moved to my sister's temporarily.

He immediately started calling and pleading for me to come back. Within 3 days (over the weekend even!) he had 2 job interviews lined up. Swore up and down that things would be different. He couldn't live without us, it was driving him insane. We were his life, and he would contribute. I listened to him. I had been torn about leaving. He can be very charming, and he is a good dad, he just has no sense of responsibility, no desire to act like an adult, no ability to see beyond himself.

I went back. He got a full-time job working nights in the next town over. At the beginning of April, we moved down the street from his work so it would be easier for him. I wouldn't have to drive him to and from work (he has never had a license). I went back to work at the end of April. He refused to put our son in daycare. Between himself and his friend who lives in our building, they watch him during the day.

I was back to work less than a month when he was fired. Cue the refusal to work, the not contributing, the expecting me to do everything. We had a few agruments were I told him flat out I was not happy and that I was not going down this road again.

In the summer he started working full-time. I had my name taken off the lease. This way it won't affect me if he doesn't pay rent.

Fastforward to today. He is working full-time. But it is at night, and I have to drive him to and from work. Meaning our son goes to bed later because we have to bundle into and out of the car. I have no time to get ready for work in the morning, so I have to shower at night, and get things prepared then. I also do all the housework between the time I put my son to bed, and go to bed myself. Our son is still not in daycare.

Everyday I look at him and think "I don't like you. I don't want to be with you". But I know if I leave, things will be super hard. I will be stretched to the limit financially, and will need to get subsidized daycare in order to keep myself afloat. I know he will be all over me just like last time to come back, to bring his son over everyday. To guilt trip me into thinking I am ruining our family, and that I have responsibilities to him. I'm not sure I have the strength to go through it and survive it. So everyday I stay and die a little inside.