Day 30: A letter to yourself

Dear Sarah:

You can do it. You can be strong, and confident, and feel good about yourself. You just need to start. It will seem hard and weird in the beginning, but it will become second nature after a while, like most things.

Try to relax. Don't let every little thing stress you out. Take the time to play with your son and give the cuddles he wants. He will only want them while he's little, so cherich them now. Find time for yourself. An hour here or there can make the difference in how you feel. You're not just a mom or wife, you're a person by yourself, and you need to make the time, and take the time, to remember that.

I love you, remember to love yourself.
Sarah

Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself

This could really tie into the day 1 topic: what you hate about yourself.  Because if you hate something, you should try to change it. In a nutshell, I hope to become stronger, and more confident. I want to feel like a confident, strong woman, but the self-doubting not-grown-up-but-not-teenager that I currently feel like most days. How to get there? Haven't a clue.

Day 28: What would you do if you got pregnant (or got someone pregnant) right now?

Sit down and cry. I don't want another child. At least not until this one is sleeping through the night routinely, and eating well. And I am not so stressed about money and life as it currently exists. Then we'll talk.

But if there was an accident, I'd have a good cry. Then start planning for a baby.

Put a coat on!

Attention skanky teenagers: put a coat on! You don't look cool, you look like a freezing hooker! It is no longer tank-top weather!

It is 7 C, which is 45 F for you American readers. With rain and a cold wind. I was cold walking outside in a t-shirt and fleece jacket and wanted a heavy sweater and warmer coat. And then a gang of teenage girls walk by in spaghetti strap tops, freezing their nuts off. Is it a sign I am getting old that I want to yell at them to put a freakin coat on?

Day 27: What's the best thing you've got going for you right now?

Without a doubt, my son. He may be a handful with eating problems and a growing temper tantrum phase, but he's still awesome. He is adorable and cuddly and my little crazy monkey. He is the reason I go to work and come home. No matter what else is going on, he's there wanting a hug and playtime. That makes me smile, and makes everything worth doing.

Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life?

Short answer? Yes. I've thought about it, but I would never do it.

I used to suffer depression quite a bit as a teenager and early 20s. Turns out it wasn't just me, I was having a reaction to the birth control pill I was on, and didn't realize it until I went off it and my whole world changed.

Since then I have learned that things can always get better, if you work at it. And now I have a better reason: my son!

Day 25: The reason you believe you're still alive today

Because the human spirit can get through anything, as long as you're willing to try. It may not be easy, and it may not be fun, but you can get through it.

I think this is an odd question/topic that can't really be answered. Maybe it's just me though.

Day 24: Make a playlist to someone and explain why you chose those songs

As explained in day 13, I am not really into music. It's a background noise. So trying to come up with a playlist is difficult because there aren't many songs that I play. And even if they are playing, I'm not really listening. So this topic really doesn't apply to me.

Return of good toothpaste

Anyone remember my complaint about horrible toothpaste back at the beginning of August? Well we are finally done that tube of Arm & Hammer. Yes, it took us over 2 months to use it up. But it's like a bad book or movie, you can't just stop, you have to finish. By the end, it didn't even seem that terrible. Maybe because I don't remember what good toothpaste taste like.

But anyway, back to the good old Colgate. And this time I went fancy with their Colgate Max Fresh with Mouthwash Beads in Minty Wave. Yummy freshness!

Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life

Something I wished I had done was stick with university. I dropped out after my first year when I realized that I hated the program I was in, and couldn't transfer my credits to the program I wanted. I wish I had gone ahead and transferred over anyways. I would be much further ahead by now. Not just careerwise, and moneywise (other than the expected school loans), but I'd be finished my CGA. Then I wouldn't be struggling through it now.

I am having trouble getting into, and concentrating on my schoolwork. There just isn't the time in the day, and I'm just not that focussed on it. I have lost the schoolwork mentality, and I keeping viewing it as a hassle, instead of a career development tool.

Day 22: Something you wish you hadn't done in your life

This topic is all about choices you would change. I think I have mentioned this before somewhere, but I can't remember when. I can think of dozens of choices I would change. Not dated certain people. Stayed with a particular job. Stayed in a particular apartment, instead of moving every year. Gone to a different university.

Every choice done differently would have resulted in a completely different life. But as someone I know says, you can't live in the past. You can't live in your regrets. You have to take today and go from there. Make it into what you want by looking forward, not back.

Great words to live by. Spoken like a true survivor.

Day 21: (Scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you got into a fight a couple of hours before. What do you do?

This question seems like an obvious one. I'd visit and help out however necessary. I guess the topic of the fight may factor in, but only if it is a make-or-break fight that could end your friendship.

Another way to look at it is if the car accident ended in the death of your friend. Then it would probably come with a lot of guilty and unresolved feelings that you'd need to work through.

Either way, not a pleasant situation. And luckily, not one I have had to experience.

Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.

I have never done drugs. I rarely drink. Mostly just a drink with dinner once every few months. The last time I was drunk? So long ago I can't remember when.

I will admit that I am very anti-drug, and I tend to look down on people who do them. That's probably not my best trait, but it's the truth. I think most of the time people do drugs to escape reality. I may have felt that need, but I also don't have the ability to just let go of control. Doing drugs is about losing control, experiencing something other than harsh reality. Not something I can make myself do. So I've never tried.

Alcohol is a different story. Even though it can rightly be considered a drug, it doesn't have the same stigma as drugs. Of course, I do believe that partying is a behaviour that belongs to young adults (includes early 20s), but it is something that responsible people learn to control and minimize.

There is nothing wrong with relaxing and having fun. But maintaining control over yourself and your actions is important. Especially if you are a role model, such as a parent.

Think I have control issues based on this post? lol

Day 19: What is your opinion of religion?

I have never been religious. I was not raised to believe in any particular religion. I have not had a reason to choose one, or to need one, so I remain ambivalent.

But overall, I'm not a fan of organized religion. They are mostly corrupt, or at least become that way over time. Afterall, they start with the belief in something greater, but they are run by humans.

I think that mankind as a whole needs to believe in something higher than himself. Whether that is a person, a concept or a system, each person feels the need differently. But the overall need is there because mankind wants to believe that there is something better then him out there. Because if we are the best...? Not a great concept given the corruptibility, greediness and capacity of evil within mankind in general.

Book review: The Art of Barter

I decided to check out The Art of Barter: How to Trade for Almost Anything by Karen Hoffman and Shera Dalin after seeing it on the new book list at the library. Took a while until my turn came up, but it was worth the read.

Barter and trade isn't as prevalent as it used to be, and I personally have never really thought about it. Cash is king, right? It is easy to forget that cash (or debit or credit) isn't the only payment option.

This book is chock full of ideas and resources. There are a full 5 pages at the end that list various websites you can visit. While a lot of them are US based, there are still quite a few international ones as well.

Bartering is really about being open to ideas, and learning to communicate those ideas to others. Creativity is the key, along with good listening skills. I definitely learned a lot reading the book, and will try to put it to use and barter for something. What? I haven't decided yet.

Day 18: Your views on gay marriage

I think my views are fairly common for most Canadians: do what makes you happy.


If that means loving someone of the same sex, go for it. I think any two people who love each other and who are committed to each other should be together. This sets a good example for our children as a whole.
 
Much better than a whole generation of divorces, don't you think?

Day 17: A book you've read that changed your view on something

I have read so many books, it is my favourite past-time, that I'm not sure I can pick just one. Or that I can even identify one that has changed my view on something.

One series that particularly calls out to me is the Incarnations of Immortality series by Piers Anthony. Each book is about one "office" of immortality: Death,Time, Fate, War, Nature, Evil and Good. Over the course of the series, all the major characters are woven together, and eventually become one giant family tree.

The series really makes you think about the forces that are supposedly out of our control, and makes you wonder if they really are beyond reach. This is one series that I have read over and over, and one of the few that I actually own. Although the last time I moved, I think I lost one book, which I am pretty upset about.

Day 16: Something or something you could definitely live without

Note to readers: If you live with me, you should probably skip this post. It will make you mad. But it's my opinion, so just keep clicking...



Throughout this challenge, I have mostly not written the negative, painful, personal questions. I answer them in my mind, but choose not to reveal the answer to the world. This one I am choosing to answer. Why? I'm not sure. Maybe I'd like some advice. Maybe I want reassurance that I am doing the right thing. Or maybe I just need to get it off my chest.

I could live without my common-law husband. We don't have an easy relationship, and I'm not always certain that we should have a relationship at all. I left him once in Feb, and went back 2 weeks later. I question almost daily whether I did the right thing going back. I almost left again in Sept, and I'm sure I will continue to debate it daily.

I know that if we didn't have a child, I'd have left him after briefly dating. We would not have lived together, or if we did, I'd have left a long time ago and never looked back. But we do have a son, and that makes everything different. I stay for him, but I question whether it is the right move, or if things would be better if we left.

Maybe a little background info is needed. We dated only briefly before I got pregnant. As in barely a few months. We really didn't know each other very well. I found out I was pregnant while he was gone for a month to visit his family. I told him, and we were both excited. But he was unemployed, collecting EI. He was supposed to be earning money while he was gone, but instead partied all month and spent a lot. When he returned, he started staying with me. Without contributing to any bills. We agreed that he would have a 3 month "free-pass", and then he'd start contributing. During this pass he would need to get a job because his EI would run out.

The time passed, and nothing changed. No job, no contributing. A month before I was due to give birth, my lease ran out, and we moved. I only had a one bedroom apartment, so we need a bigger place. I wanted to get a cheap 2 bedroom apartment, but he convinced me to rent a 3 bedroom townhouse on the condition that he paid the rent.

Our son was born, and I went on maternity leave. He still didn't work, and with my reduced income, I couldn't pay all the bills. I ended up paying our rent on credit because I didn't want my credit to be ruined for nonpayment. He didn't care because his credit was already garbage.

Fastforward to Feb when the situation was still the same. Only difference being I was now $10,000 in debt from paying rent and completely fed up with his refusal to work or help out with anything. I packed up me and my son, and we moved to my sister's temporarily.

He immediately started calling and pleading for me to come back. Within 3 days (over the weekend even!) he had 2 job interviews lined up. Swore up and down that things would be different. He couldn't live without us, it was driving him insane. We were his life, and he would contribute. I listened to him. I had been torn about leaving. He can be very charming, and he is a good dad, he just has no sense of responsibility, no desire to act like an adult, no ability to see beyond himself.

I went back. He got a full-time job working nights in the next town over. At the beginning of April, we moved down the street from his work so it would be easier for him. I wouldn't have to drive him to and from work (he has never had a license). I went back to work at the end of April. He refused to put our son in daycare. Between himself and his friend who lives in our building, they watch him during the day.

I was back to work less than a month when he was fired. Cue the refusal to work, the not contributing, the expecting me to do everything. We had a few agruments were I told him flat out I was not happy and that I was not going down this road again.

In the summer he started working full-time. I had my name taken off the lease. This way it won't affect me if he doesn't pay rent.

Fastforward to today. He is working full-time. But it is at night, and I have to drive him to and from work. Meaning our son goes to bed later because we have to bundle into and out of the car. I have no time to get ready for work in the morning, so I have to shower at night, and get things prepared then. I also do all the housework between the time I put my son to bed, and go to bed myself. Our son is still not in daycare.

Everyday I look at him and think "I don't like you. I don't want to be with you". But I know if I leave, things will be super hard. I will be stretched to the limit financially, and will need to get subsidized daycare in order to keep myself afloat. I know he will be all over me just like last time to come back, to bring his son over everyday. To guilt trip me into thinking I am ruining our family, and that I have responsibilities to him. I'm not sure I have the strength to go through it and survive it. So everyday I stay and die a little inside.

Day 15: Something or someone you couldn't live without

Beyond the obvious food, clothes, shelter, family, this becomes a personal question about what you value most. In my case, I couldn't live without my car. Not necessarily my current car, but just having a car in general.

I have had a car for several years now. I couldn't imagine giving it up. I could still get around locally, the city I live in has a great bus system. But all my family lives out of town. Even before I owned a car, I used to rent a car periodically to go visit them.

I love driving. Right now I drive standard. Yes, that's right, I'm one of the few people who can do that, and I am proud of it. Before I had a child, I used to destress by taking a drive. There is not much better than just hitting the road with the music cranked up and driving your cares away.

If someone were to take my ability to have a car away, I'd be devastated. I don't want to go back to living on a bus schedule. Of having to ride public transportation. Of depending on others to get around. I like the ability to jump in my car and go. Of choosing when and what route to take. Simply put, I love my car. I could do without the constant need to make repairs, but that is a different topic altogether.

Day 14: A hero that has let you down

I can't really think of anybody I'd consider to be a hero of mine. There are people I respect, but not to hero status. I guess I need to go to a broader definitition and think of someone I respect who has let me down.

In a pervious job, I had a manager that I really liked to work for. She was very professional, trusted me to do my job, continually pushed me (in a good way) to do more. She was a great advocate for me as a worker. Over time, I moved to a different department, where I eventually ended up with a supervisor I did not respect. In an effort to save myself from getting fired for insubordination, I talked my previous boss about transferring to her current department. She was all for it, and helped to find a temporary position for me until a position in her department would open up.

But she screwed me. The temporary position she created ended fairly quickly, and I was transferred to a department I had no desire to be in. Less than 2 months later, a position in her department became available, but because I had to sign a commitment to my new department for at least a year, I was not able to apply. A few months later, I found out that the department I ended up in had requested me from her, and she had agreed to have me moved. All without consulting me. While knowing that I had moved to be in her reporting line in the first place. In the end, I was in a department I did not want to be in, and was thoroughly disgusted at her behaviour. I lost quite a bit of respect for her. She really let me down.

In the end, it turned out alright since I left the company, but I lost out on 2 salary raises in a row due to the timing of my moves. Not something I am happy about.

Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough times

I have never been a huge music fan. To me, music belongs in the background. It can help set the mood, or provide a filter to keep out other music, but I rarely pay much attention to it. My husband is always telling me to listen to the words in a particular song, but it's hard. I automatically start to tune it out, even when I am trying to listen. So I can't really name a band or artist that has been there for me.

The closest I can come is to say my favourite band. Nickelback. Yes, I'm a fan. I also like Theory of a Deadman and other "Canadian rock" type bands. Nothing gets rid of a bad mood faster than cranking the tunes and hitting the road while listening to a rockin' beat.

Day 12: Something you never get compliments on

This is a tricky topic. What to describe? Something you think you do well, but aren't recognized for? Something you don't do well, and you know it?

After working through some crap yesterday, I realized that I never get complimented on any of my work. Most of what I do never gets acknowledged in any way at all. I'm sure it's not intentional. But my boss is not really a people person, there are days he never says a single word to me. It makes me think of one of the books I've read recently that talked about how most good work is not acknowledged, only problems are noticed, so you need to keep track and show your accomplishments to your superiors.

I'm still waiting for my annual review to happen, but I do have my list of accomplishments all ready. As well as the list of things I'd like to take on. We'll see what happens when my review finally gets done. For the record, it was originally scheduled for the middle of last week, but my boss keeps pushing it off.

Good mood

Coming back to work today, I was not in a good mood. Getting caught up, having to redo work, needing to finish a school assignment before a noon deadline, I was just being overwhelmed. Sometimes it's the little things that make everything better. Like getting a family montage of pictures sent to me. Yeah smiles!

Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on

Finally, a topic all about good things. Doesn't really make it easier to write though. I am pretty critical of myself, so it is hard to really remember and agree with compliments that other people give.

People, mostly family, have told me I am a good mom. My son has not been the easiest kid. I am lucky that he has been healthy, but it has not been a breeze. He was colicky. Breastfeeding didn't agree with either of us. He became a milk baby and refusing to eat anything else.

Even now at 17 months, he is just beginning to eat anything. He still prefers dairy, and eats a lot of yogurt. Some days, everything needs to be mixed into yogurt, and he is getting so smart at recognizing the yogurt container, and refusing anything that comes from a different container. He is beginning to eat baby food fruits without yogurt. Veggies and meat are a huge fight, and are mixed with at least half yogurt. I have begun crushing up a Flintstone vitamin into his breakfast to make sure he is getting some vitamins.

He is not big into finger foods. He never used to put anything into his mouth. He has only just begun putting food into his mouth and licking it. Still refuses to bite it. He has teeth, 4 on top, 2 on bottom, and 2 more right at the surface on the bottom, but they won't come through since he never bites.

His sleeping is getting better. In the past 2 weeks he has finally started sleeping through the night. Not every night, but he is now sleeping an average of 6-8 hours at a time. Which is awesome! Have you ever tried to go almost a year and a half sleeping only 1-2 hours at a time? Not good. I feel so tired lately, but I know it's because my body is beginning to get regular sleep again, and is adjusting. Yeah for sleep!

Needless to say, my son is very stubborn and strong willed. He has begun to learn how to throw temper tantrums, but doesn't have it figured out yet. They are still cute right now. He throws himself on the ground and just lays on his back looking at you with a pout. Doesn't kick his legs, beat his arms or yell... yet... I know it's coming though. Then it won't be so cute.

He is also the biggest cuddle bug ever. He loves hugs, and is learning to give kisses without having huge open mouth slobbers.

Overall, he is a good kid. Not easy, but good. I'm sure the future will bring more challenges as he grows, but I hope he still stays healthy and I keep getting compliments about being a good mom. Even though I don't feel like it some days.

Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn't know

When I wrote day 9, I debated whether to use that story for day 10, but obviously chose to go with day 9. On with day 10...

Also, like day 8, to think of someone you wish you didn't know is so negative. It is also like saying you wish you could do over a portion of your life and make a difference choice. Thinking of it that way, I can think of times when I wish I had made a different choice. Looking back, it is easy to see which choices have been life altering.

I know some people say they would not change any of their choices. I am not one of those people. I can think of lots of decisions that I would do differently, if I had a chance to redo them. But again, those are very personal choices, and not ones I wish to announce to the world.

Question: gee, how many cop outs can I do?

Short break

So there was a short break in my blogging for Thanksgiving. I tried to write enough posts ahead of time to account for the time I would be away, but I never made it. Almost. Really just missed a few days, so I'm pretty proud of that. Will get yesterday's post written and published asap. And on I go...

Day 9: Someone you didn't want to let go, but who drifted

I can immediately think of the person who drifted away. My first serious boyfriend when I was 16. He was the most gentle, sincere and amazing man I ever met, even though he was still a boy at the time. He was understanding, and never pushed me for anything.

I met him when I moved to town when I was in grade 7. He sent me secret admirer notes. But I wasn't interested. The next year, we were friends has we attended high school classes early. I got a crush on him, but he was no longer interested. In grade 9 we were just friends. In grade 10 we started dating. He still had the notes I had sent replying to his secret admirer notes. We spent hours sitting in his room, talking and kissing. I wasn't ready for anything more, but he never pushed.

And the beginning of the summer after grade 10, my mom and soon-to-be stepdad decided to be married that Aug, and move us 3 hours away. It was a summer filled with fun, love, and sorrow knowing that things would come to an end. I left the day after the wedding, and didn't see him again.

When I was in university, a guy I worked with during a co-op job turned out to know him. Not just know him, but was his roommate at their university. Small world. We started chatting through IM.

I wanted to see him, to talk to him, but didn't know how to say it. Our new friendship was full of black holes and dangers. Neither one of us really talked about our past, or about any possible future. But it lingered there all the same.

As I went through ups and downs, I developed a pattern. I would drift away when things were good, and need his conversations when things were bad. I tended to lash out at him when in a bad mood. Eventually, when I was going through a really rough time, I lashed out too harshly. He decided he wanted nothing more to do with me. And I haven't heard from him since.

It still hurts. I loved him at 16, and part of me still loves him. I have always thought that he was one of the few good guys I've ever known. For a while, he was the only guy who didn't deliberately hurt me. I put him on a pedestal in my mind.

That was a few years ago, and I know I need to let him go since he has already drifted away. We have separate lives, with no communication. But I still yearn to know the man that amazing boy grew into.

Day 8: Someone who has made your life hell or treated you badly

This topic is so negative. And so personal. I have several people I could describe, and no one that I really want to talk about.

I know my answer, and how I would say it, but I am choosing not to post it on the off chance that person were to ever read it.

Cop out maybe, but it's my blog, so tough.

Day 7: Someone who has made your life worth living

This one is a really hard one for me. I can't think of anyone that has really made my life worth living.  I know the standard mom answer is my son. But I can't honestly say that. Yes, I love him and would do anything for him, but he's only been here less than a year and a half, and I've been here for longer.

Instead, I will be liberal with the topic. Making your life worth living means someone has had a profound effect on you, in a good way. Which means you respect them, and probably look up to them. So someone I respect and look up to? That one is easy to answer: my sister.

My sister is an amazing mom. When we were younger, we never got along. She was Miss Popular, and Miss Cool, and I was the older, more responsible, boring one. We really only became friends after we each moved out and began adult lives. Being Miss Cool, my sister was a party girl. But that all changed after she got pregnant. Both her and my brother-in-law changed from party-goers to parents. The change was almost instanteous (it seemed), and completely apparent and miraculous.

Now, she is the mom to two amazing kids who challenge her daily. She is patient, and loving, and I respect and admire her every day. I have felt this way since her first child was born, and it has only grown since having my own child. To me, she is a wonder, and someone I go to continually for advice. Now, I consider her my best friend, and am very thankful that I have her. Love you Kate!

Day 6: Something you hope you never have to do

I know that the standard answer to this question for most moms is "I hope I never bury my child". This is an awful thing to do. But it is not the answer I am giving.

I hope I never have to move back in with my mom. I love her dearly, but I have not lived at home for 10 years. The thought of ever being in a position where I would need to move back fills me with horror. My mom is definitely in charge of her house, and keeps things a certain way, with her own rules. After being used to living with my own rules, and having things the way I like them, I could not imagine a smooth life living in anyone else's home.

I look around at my generation and see lots of people who live at home into their 30s, or until they are married, and I couldn't imagine doing it. Where is the independence? The sense of adulthood? Learning how to handle responsiblity? Having things your way, with your rules?

I am grateful for all the things living on my own, or with a partner, has taught me. There have been many mistakes, but they were mine to learn, and I've grown from them. I definitely would not be the person I am today if I was still living at home like a child. Here's hoping I never have to experience that again.

Day 5: Something you hope to do in your life

I touched on this a bit on day 2, but I hope that I can work as an auditor at Revenue Canada. Sounds like such a geek job, but it is my dream job. Everyone needs to be working towards something, and that is my goal.

Something else I hope to do is be able to live a full year without financial worries. Without stressing over whether all the bills will be paid. About whether my husband will work all month and pay the rent. About whether I can afford to treat myself to a lunch out on occasion. About all the petty money worries that fill my days and nights right now. I think I'd even be happy with just a full month without these worries. Because right now, I think these thinks are killing me slowly...

Day 4: Something you have to forgive someone else for

Forgiving someone else can be very hard. Thinking of someone I have to forgive is not very difficult, but I know that actually forgiving them will likely never happen.

I need to forgive my father for not wanting to be a part of my or my siblings' lives. My parents were divorced shortly after my brother was born, and we stopped seeing him when I was in grade 3, after he got remarried.

I remember in grade 3 around Father's Day, all the other kids were making presents for their dads, and I didn't want to make anything since I never saw my father anymore. The teacher's aide convinced me that since he lived in the area, I should call him and ask if I could make him a present. I called, and was told that he doesn't have any daughters, only sons (his new stepkids), and that I shouldn't call again. Needless to say, I was devastated, and my mom was livid. She tried to get the teacher's aide fired, and while she wasn't, she was transferred to another class.

After that, the next I heard from him was when I was 18, about to go to university. He contacted my uncle (his brother) and said to pass on the message that he would like to talk to us. My mom was suspicious that he only wanted to know whether I expected him to pay for part of my schooling. My siblings and I agreed that we would give my uncle my email address to pass on, and if he contacted me, I would share it with them. He never sent anything.

I know I still have a lot of anger towards him, and I would gladly love for him to contact me just so I could tell him to f- off. I know it's not entirely healthy for me, and that I should forgive him for my own happiness and move on, but I do feel that some things are unforgiveable. And this is one of them.

Kids and parents not dressed alike

So contrary to what the title may suggest, I am not referring to kids and parents dressed in matching outfits, but rather the level of outfit. It drives me crazy when I see a kid in winter coat, toque and mitts when their parent is wearing a t-shirt, shorts and flip-flops. Hello! If one of you is comfortable, the other is definitely not, and it better be the kid that is fine.

Just thought I'd throw this out there. I totally saw this when walking through downtown today. And for the record, neither was dressed for the weather. It was sunny, but cool, a beautiful fall day. I would suggest pants, shoes, and a sweater for both parent and child. You would both be more comfortable!

Day 3: Something you have to forgive yourself for

I know I need to forgive myself for past mistakes. I have made quite a few, and while I have found ways to move on, I've never really forgiven myself for making them in the first place. I have a perfectist streak that means I beat myself up when I do things wrong. I feel I should have known better, and so I never really forgive myself, even if circumstances or situations were out of my control.

This seems vague, but I don't really need to go into all the gory details to still portray what I am trying to say.

I know I am only human, and as such will make mistakes. But I find it hard to forgive myself for making them. Seems like a contradiction, and this is likely true. But humans are complex and illogical, and no matter how orderly we want our lives, life always gets in the way.

How is that for a bundle of cliches while still telling the truth? lol

Book review: Find Your Inner Ugly Betty

Find Your Inner Ugly Betty by Tanner Stranksy has the subtitle 25 Career Lessons for Young Professionals Inspired by TV Shows. This is definitely the truth. He pulls mainly from Ugly Betty, The Office, Friends, Grey's Anatomy and How I Met Your Mother. All mostly current shows that are aimed at the 20-30 year old crowd.

Even if you don't watch those shows (the only one I've seen is Friends), the book is still easy to follow as the situations he uses are readily understandable. This is a funny, smart, current book that is filled with useful information. Most of it is common sense for anyone who has been in a professional-type job for a few years, but reminders are always helpful. The book reads like a friend is talking to you, and makes for a very quick read.

The information is broken into 5 parts, 25 chapters. The breaks are logical, and easy to follow. The chapters not only address each issue in a conversational manner, they each end in an "on the job" scenario, a real life story, and a to-do list of things to take away.

Overall, I was impressed. This is a very easy to read book that is chock full of useful information. It uses current pop culture references, and is obviously written for the same age group as the author.

Day 2: Something you love about yourself

Honestly finding and stating something that you love about yourself is hard. Most people, including myself, and very critical of themselves, so it is not easy to find something you love, if not all the time then at least most of the time. So what do I love?

- I can drive standard. My current car is standard, and while I love driving it most of the time, I think my next car will be automatic for the sole reason that driving standard requires more concentration, and having a kid in the car ruins that.
- I am techy, to a point. I can fix most computer problems within reason, provided I don't need to do anything with hardware. The ladies I work with think I can work computer miracles. I can't, but I'm not going to say that to them.
- I am good with math. That's why I work in accounting, and am pursuing my accounting letters (CGA). Not only am I good at it, I thoroughly enjoy doing it. My dream job is being an auditor at Revenue Canada. Not your typical dream job, but someone needs to do it, and wouldn't you rather have an auditor who enjoys their job, and not someone who hates every minute and takes it out on you?

Are any of these things deep and meaningful? Not likely. But I am proud of all three.

Day 1: Something you hate about yourself

While I am all for writing about truth, I don't really agree that the very first day should be negative. You would think starting on a positive note would create a better habit, and generate more enthusiasm. Nevertheless, here I go...

Something I hate about myself is my inability to see when a relationship is bad, and not taking care of myself by getting out of it before serious damage is done. Without going into everything (since no one reading this is my therapist, although if you want the job, will you accept macaroni as payment? Or other non-cash item? I'm open to barter ideas), I have gone thousands of dollars in debt, lost several belongings, fled for my life, felt worthless, all in various combinations.

So how to I learn to get past this and act like the mature, responsible, independent person my mom believes I am? I'm not sure. But I know it involves becoming more self-confident and having more self-esteem. Neither of which are easy to do, and both of which are essential to self-happiness. These two items are goals at the end of a long journey. Which I need to make a conscience effort to take.

Scheduling posts

I totally just figured out how to schedule posts! This seems like a great way for me to actually meet my 30 day challenge, especially since I don't usually post on weekends.

After you write your post, before you hit Publish, there is a link above that called "Post Options". Click that and you will see options for Reader Comments, HTML settings, and Post date and time. The Post date and time is set to Automatic by default, which means it publishes right away. Change this to Schedule at and change the date and time to when you want to publish.

Easy-peasy! I'm sure lots of people wonder how to do this, so I went ahead and created a how-to article on wikiHow, which is a great spot to go for instructions. See my article here.

30 Days of Truth

So I've been noticing that lots of blogs are doing 30 day challenges. There is a list currently circulating that seems to be mainly comprised of pictures. That's not for me, but I did find a blog using a 30 Days of Truth list. That captures my attention, and my interest, so I think I'll join in and give it a try. I already posted once today (this will be post #2), so I think that posting the list as a page will count for today, and I'll start answering the list tomorrow.

There is a link to the list in my pages. I'll try to remember to link each item in the list to the post I write for convenience.

Skinny jeans

So I was reading a post on another blog about skinny jeans on boys (see post here), and it amde me think of Mr Magoo's pajamas. He has a pair of hockey pajamas that are adorable. But they are kind of tight, not tight feeling because they are stretchy, but tight looking. Now Magoo is a chunker, but he still looks so skinny in these pjs. His little legs look like sticks! I can't help but smile and giggle.

Since he is a chunker, I never dress him in skinny pants because his thighs are too big to fit into them. He mostly wears sweatpants. Yes, I am raising a fashion conscience boy alright! I have a second reason: he has short legs. Every pair of jeans I put him in need to rolled up a lot. But the size smaller won't go over his thighs. So pants with elastics around the ankles are his friends because he doesn't trip over the hems.

But it's okay, it's not like I have hundreds of pictures of him in his sweats that I can use to embarass him when he's older... Oh wait, yes I do! Oh the joys of being a mom.