Losing myself

Somedays I feel like I'm losing myself. I no longer have an identity of my own. I am simple mother, wife, a faceless worker in the world of business. What I do doesn't really matter, who I am doesn't really matter. Do I do anything for myself? Or just what is expected and demanded? How can I tell?

I wrote my exam last night, and I think I did okay. It wasn't as bad as I was expecting. I'm not sure if it's a good sign or not. Last time I thought I did great, I barely passed it. This time, I didn't put nearly as much effort into the course as I could and should have. I just don't feel the motivation. What am I doing it for? Not for my current job. And looking for a new one, everyone wants experience. Your education is secondary. So how do you move up and around without that experience? I know that theoretically doing my schooling is a good thing. It should lead to big and better futures. But it's hard to feel that some days.

I go to work. Get through the day. Some are good days, today was not. When co-workers treat you like a child who can't do anything right, it's hard to be motivated to be cheerful and productive. When your boss has no voice, and no presence, how can you expect to get anywhere, receive any recognition, feel like an important team member?

I get through it, knowing it's a job. It's not supposed to be your life. But I love working. I want to love my job, have passion for it. Sometimes it just feels empty and a waste of time. Then I come home. And nothing is any better. I'm just the person who accommodates. Who is supposed to look after everything. It's all what everyone else wants, nothing about me. I'm just there for them. But what about me? Why am I lost in the shuffle?

Today I am not happy. Not cheerful. Sad, grey and feeling down. Throwing my vent into the wind in hopes that the feeling will leave and I'll feel better.

Book review: Sh*t My Dad Says

I am not one for profanity, but Sh*t My Dad Says by Justin Halpern was hilarious. I got this book based on the fact it was on the high hold list at my library. It took a while to get to me, but I'm glad I got it.

I read it super fast (like in 2 days). It is a quick read. The way it is written, you can easily put it down and pick it up later. The book is laid out with a few short stories about the author's life, with hilarious quotes separating them.

When I burst out laughing from one quote, my husband had me read it to him. I tried 3 or 4 times before giving up and handing the book to him. I was laughing so hard I was crying, and I couldn't get it out.

Only reality could be this funny. Definitely worth a look, but be warned that there is a lot of profanity.

Holiday giveaways

I love giveaways. I love people who do giveaways. I was so excited to find the Holiday Gift Giveaway Hop. I started over at Maple Leaf Mommy, and will probably need way more time than I have to visit everyone. There are 226 blogs participating in the hop! That's a lot of giveaways.

The giveaways are open until Dec 5, 11:59 pm. There are some for US, Canada and International, so everyone can find something. You should definitely go check out the list.

Whatcha Reading Wednesday - Dec 1

I just started a new book today. I've only read about 4 pages so far, so there isn't much to share yet. Basically just the name and author: A Woman of Independent Means by Gail Vaz-Oxlade.

Thw whatcha reading posts were started by a link-up at Unexplained X2, and even though I haven't seen a post for this week, I thought I'd share anyways.

Book review: City of Ice

So I took a break from my current string of financial books to read City of Ice by John Farrow. My sister had lent it to me, and I just kept forgetting to read it.

This is a murder-mystery type book that is set in Montreal, Quebec. The story follows Detective Emile Cinq-Mars as he investigates a murder that leads him to the Hell's Angels, the Russian Mafia, and the CIA.

I used to love reading cop/lawyer/crime books, so this was a delightful change of pace. The characters are believable, and enjoyable. The plot is quick and suspenseful. I flew through the book, picking it up at every chance.

I would definitely recommend it if you enjoy this type of thriller.